Yes! You’re not dreaming! The best music blog to ever be is now hiring* and you can be one of the few chosen ones to join the crew! You can write sentences in intelligible English (bonus points if you sound pretentious)? You love progressive, experimental, avant-garde, microtonal, and just plain weird music, mostly metal and rock? You have free time and are willing to work in your own [mom’s] basement? And, last but not least, you aren’t expecting any form of monetary payment* for all your hard work?! Well, all the odds are on your side!
Now you’re asking yourself “but how can I prove my worth to this mighty blog?” Well, search no more! Email us a review of your own at email@example.com! You get to decide what album you want to review, but it better be some stuff that fits with our blog! You also get to decide the length of the review and the tone of it! Hint: it’s always more interesting to read a text filled with personality than a bland, neutral piece of shit!
What we expect from you, once you’re chosen: Being able to write at least two full album reviews per week, and write news post when there is interesting news to write about (no drama bullshit). Be able to be critical but fair, and give a loose rating in our own rating system. Share your posts on our facebook page as editor, and take care of people’s answers on facebook and the forum (you will most probably be flooded by notifications).
What you get: Except the super-ultra-famous status on the Internet and countless chicks? Well, you will receive promo material from bands and labels from around the world (digital downloads, physical CDs, stickers, what more can you ask?). We’ve gathered quite an interesting array of PR contacts over the years, so you’ll receive music from various artists (but most of them suck anyways). Consider this your payment, as we don’t have no money left after the building of our offices in orbit around the Earth!
Our monkeys are waiting to read your emails, and we’ll judge your text on how many turds they throw in the redaction room!
PS: I am not quitting this blog just yet! After three years of running this blog and writing hundreds of reviews, getting to know countless incredible bands and people, I still don’t want to quit. However, with the school and work and my own musical activities, I’ve found, much to my dismay, that I’ve let the blog slide a little, and that’s a real shame! I want to continue, but can’t do it alone at this rate. That’s why I need you! I’m eager to read your email review submissions! Cheers!